leni, i don’t really know whats going on but if you need anyone just to rant, i’d listen. i might not know what to reply but yeah i’m here.
<3
i don’t really know whats going on right now either. everything is just a mess of yelling and crying and loud noises and doors slamming and i don’t know. i’ve had a really stressful week and someone i love dearly is in hospital because he tried to hurt himself and it wasn’t the first time either and i’d been feeling particularly helpless because i couldn’t be there for him like i was the first two times and he’s on the other side of the country and it’s impossible for me to go see him without having to explain it to my parents and they’re in such a bad mood right now that i wouldn’t even want to try because i know that they’re not gonna be feeling any happier anytime soon and i don’t know what the hell is happening with my eldest sister or whether she’s okay or not and my other sister, well i have no clue. i think she’s just fed up with being here and having to listen to my parents fight and i think she realized she’s old enough to not have to put up with it anymore and that she’s ready to leave, even if its under these circumstances. and mums upset and dads angry and my little sister is crying and i don’t know how to be there for any of them because they’re all going through so much and i’m not. some people might think or say i am but i feel like they’re the ones dealing with all this and the only thing that gets to me is that i can’t help. or at least that i don’t know how. and i feel terrible and helpless and useless and like a waste of freaking space because i don’t know what to do but feel bad about not knowing and not helping. and it’s okay if you don’t have anything to say in response. just knowing you care enough to listen is more than enough for me. it really is. i’m sorry, i don’t mean to be a total basket case. this month just hasn’t been the greatest. i dunno. i love you, mei.
2
